When Thinking Becomes Doing

The latte that got me through

My coffee order has not changed since 2016: an iced latte with caramel and vanilla. I started drinking this combination in college, when I had a particularly stressful morning. I’d head to the campus coffee shop for an iced coffee and a plain bagel with plain cream cheese. It wasn’t until my senior year of college that this simple order became a ritual.

In my senior year of college, my time was stretched dangerously thin. I was a double major juggling a job as an RA, a job as a part time youth pastor, involvement in a campus worship team, 12+ hours of piano practice per week, campus jobs as manager of the women’s choir and writing center tutor, and so much more.

As you might imagine, I was constantly stressed… and constantly drinking my iced caramel and vanilla latte.

I have been out of that season for five years now, yet my required daily iced latte remains.

How your brain builds habits

My coffee habit actually paints a good picture of the scientific way that our brain works.

You see, the way we think (psychologists call it cognition) is linked to the things that we do (or our behavior).

Although deceptively simple on the surface, this idea is deeply impactful to understand.

Let’s go back to my coffee drinking college days. When I was stressed, I often would become overwhelmed with my workload, my schedule, and the demands that were placed on me. I was prone to despair, feeling like everything was falling apart, and there was no way that I would ever be able to recover.

The only thing that I could think of to help put my day back together was an iced latte. That was my solution. And as soon as I had that iced latte in my hand, everything felt more manageable. I could focus on the tasks ahead of me because I had my coffee, and everything was going to be okay.

To this day, there is a deep connection in my brain between coffee and a good day.

Even if it makes me late for work.

Even if I shouldn’t spend the money.

Even if I should have less sugary sweets in my diet.

I will always choose the coffee because that’s how my brain knows how to have a good day.

When thoughts become stories

In the story of life, this occurs in your brain every day on a much bigger scale. When we encounter an event or a situation (called a stimulus), our brain crafts an impression, a story, or something specific that we tell ourselves in response (called a cognition).

I’ll give you some examples:

If the stimulus is that we are late for work, the cognition might be to be cruel to ourselves, thinking we are lazy and incapable.

If the stimulus is that your instagram post got 150 likes in 30 minutes, the cognition might be how amazing, beautiful, or interesting you are.

If the stimulus is your boyfriend breaking up with you, the cognition is that you aren’t good enough, or pretty enough, or fill in the blank…

These thoughts are the building blocks that we base our behaviors upon. What we think about the way that we exist in the world around us dictates the way that we act. And, we know that scientifically the more often you think something, the more likely your brain is to repeat that thought. Our brain loves patterns, and when you’ve begun creating patterns in the maze of your brain’s pathways, you begin to create these narratives that dictate the story of your life.

Scientifically, your thought patterns affect your actions. Thinking affects doing.

The Good News

This, friend, is good news! This means that if you’ve been stuck in a loop of behaviors you don’t love, it’s not because you’re broken — it’s because your brain has learned a story and stuck to it.

And you are not alone in this. Everyone has patterns of thinking that do not serve them. It’s a part of what it means to be human. There is a whole category of therapy that helps us begin to do the work of undoing these unhelpful narratives called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. If you’re interested in getting help to combat this in your own life, there are so many wonderful therapists who can help you work through these narratives.

For now, here are three ideas from cognitive behavioral therapy that can benefit anyone.

Three Steps to rewire your thinking

1. Notice your automatic thoughts.

What are the thought patterns that are present in your daily life? What are the stories that you tell yourself in response to the situations in your life?

It is important to begin noticing these, not with judgement or self-criticism, but with curiosity. You must become an investigator of your own mind.

What are stories that you are telling yourself when you spill your coffee? When you are running late, how do you speak to yourself? When you are feeling ignored, what words are echoing within your mind?

2. Challenge your thoughts.

When we begin to notice these thoughts, it can become clear that many are not helpful. This is where you want to begin challenging them. As you catch yourself thinking these unkind, unfair, or unhelpful thoughts, ask yourself:

Would I say this out loud to a friend?

Does this accurately explain what just happened?

Does this thought help me grow?

So often, our thoughts do not serve us, and when we hold them up to the clarifying light of these questions, we see that they fall short.

3. Rewrite the story.

Begin slowly by creating a few phrases that can help you replace those unhelpful thoughts with something truthful. Here are some examples:

I’m doing the best that I can.

This mistake does not define me.

One small step forward is still progress.

Learning requires mistakes.

I can do hard things.

The act of rewriting the story can help your brain form new habits. This takes time, patience, and perseverance, but rewriting the story again and again can give you your power back. Your power to change your actions.

You are not a victim of your mind

The stories that we tell ourselves matter. They dictate how we view ourselves, and they uniquely affect the actions that we take. When we begin to understand this, something marvelous happens. Slowly, you realize that you are not a victim of your own mind. But rather, you are able to affect meaningful change in your life.

Maybe that change is as simple as a coffee in the morning, or as big as believing that you are worth more than you ever thought.

Either way, I hope you come to know the strength that you have to take a step forward. A step away from the things that hold you back, toward hope, and into the truth of your worth.

Because you, dear friend, are worth the time and effort it takes to heal.

Love, Sophia